Life comes full circle

Thought I would just write a note to self.

My mother passed away on March 9th, 2015 at 1:30 am, my brother number 3 was able to be by her side on the 8th holding her hand until he had to drive the fours hours home.  The hospice house where my mother lived out her final four months were wonderful with her, they loved and cared for her and held her hand in her final moments.

I had the chance to talk on the phone with her the week before and tearfully to her I loved her and she could let go, all of her children, grandchildren  and great grandchildren were going to be okay.

I can't imagine what it is like to die in such pain from pancreatic cancer, I only know she is free and with my father again.  Her life had come full circle.

My love and I are still going strong, we are planning a cycling trip through the badlands at the end of August.  Life is good.........

New Year, Many Changes

Its the end of February 2015 and I don't know where 2014 passed. So much has happened in the last three months.  In July of 2014 I started corresponding with the love of my life again.  Yes, the gentle giant that broke my heart three years ago.  It seems the breakup was meant to be for a short time, in order to grow and change to who I always could be, not running from the demons of my past.

We started off slow and simple with no expectations and as I always knew have grown to love him more and more with each passing day.  On his birthday in October he injured his shoulder in a work related accident, as I remained by his side, unexpectedly I received notice that my mother was dying of cancer and would only last till Christmas or so the prognosis went.

With brother number two in hand we flew to be by her side the end of November along with sister number 1.  Spending what is to be her last Christmas was hard on all of us, the siblings who stayed for two months and the ones who could only stay, a weekend, a month or a day. As her strength was dwindling, ours as well, a decision to leave and say our goodbyes seemed the best solution.  It was with heavy heart I left at the end of January 2015.  But not before my love came and spent New Years Eve with me and my sister, a gift of love, even though he will not admit it yet.  He drove all the way to British Columbia from Manitoba just to see me again, while recuperating from surgery he had December 1, 2014.

His physio-therapy started the Monday he drove back, and has improved in leaps and bounds.  I was so happy when I got back home to hold him in my arms, snuggle with him and just enjoy each others company.

Valentines day he surprised me as no one ever has before, he booked a romance package at a nearby Casino, with a 5 course meal, dancing, music, a bouquet of roses, champagne, chocolates and a night that will always remain dear to me.  Our relationship seems to be so much stronger, so much clearer now than it was before, can't wait to see what the future will bring.

As I write this my mother is still alive, but I do have an earth angel, a friend from my teenage past who visits here, feeds her, checks with the nurses and gets back to me, a give from god.  I love my mother dearly, but still pray that God will send his angel to call her home and take away her pain.  I know my father will be waiting, patiently for her, she just needs to not be afraid and believe that all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be okay, that it is finally her time to, as I believe "go home".

This year will be all about exercise and healthy eating.  To accomplish that, I will begin training myself in the art of bicycling, adding more distance each month. with my women's group Experience Manitoba.  You see, my gentle giant loves to bicycle, and the time he is back home, will be our time, outdoors in nature, enjoying sunrises, sunsets, winding roads and glass mirrored lakes.  The most simple and beautiful part of living.  Life has just begun and I'm looking forward to it with such enthusiasm.