Online Dating...hard yes...take it or leave it....

Now online dating sites especially the free ones are sometimes very amusing.  For some though they are a way to meet single people, let’s face it as you grow older and you’re single, you don’t have that many options, the bars are filled with the young and our lives have changed so much that for some bars are not an option. 

I’ve been on and off of a number of sites since 2004 and found no one worth keeping until my last relationship; this last site certainly has its quantities of men.  What I’ve learned from these sites is there are all kinds of people that lurk there, from your perverts who send you nude pictures of their neither regions, to the computer closets who are only on the site to chat because they are lonely, to the jocks/bunnies who are just looking for sex, to the married ones who are looking for a little outside change from their normal dreary lives.  Don’t get me wrong; there have been a few success stories, but only a few.  I could have been a success story, but for a mere three glasses of wine, or perhaps a drug in my drink, which at this point I'll never know, all I feel is sadness for what could have been;  given that person had the capacity for love and forgiveness.  Maybe he was one of those non-committals and truth be told, it was his opportunity for a way out to run like the Zac Brown Band song Colder Weather.  I'm the lover he's the runner, a rambling man with a gypsy soul.

I'm straying from my thoughts so back to my story, there are the ones that will only answer someone if a picture is up and they like it, to the rejected ones I say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder don’t let their shallowness or the fact they were not attracted to your type be the judge, each person has a beauty all their own and one’s persons garbage is another person’s treasure.  Of course there are the ones who rant and rave on their profiles because they met someone who weighs more than the picture posted or the picture was more than 10 years ago.  I will never understand the ones that do because hello...if you go out and meet them do you think they are not going to notice?

Another type are the ones who want to be your friend, I've gathered lots of friends along the way, some I still chat with, some I never hear from again, or they pop in and out after every break up.  One male friend is like a brother to me, and I'm happy to see he finally found someone on a dating site and they are both happy.  One of the best things that ever came out of a dating site, was meeting my three angels, who would have thought that best girlfriends could be found on a dating site!  We've had many adventures together and will have many more.

The latest trend is the scammers; you can tell them from a mile away, always a good looking picture, always spewing romantic nonsense about falling in love at first site with a lovely angel blah, blah, blah and then giving you their email to further the conversation.  I can honestly say to all the lonely men and women out there, be careful who you chat with, yes your lonely, it may be the first time in a long time that someone of the opposite sex seems interested, but they are more interested in your pocketbook.

I recently put myself back up on the site after a breakup a normal everyday occurrence in this world of dating. I like to think on what I want my profile to portray, the real me, so I wrote it and put myself back in the pond.  That profile didn’t last long because what do my eyes behold, but one viewer I wasn’t ready to see back on there, but I guess if I was so would he be.  That breakup being so fresh, I deleted myself.  It was just as well, because all the men messaging me at the time were the ones that were just looking for sex; wish I could look a little less sultry in my pictures.

But that did bring me back to the beginning, where do you go to meet someone when your older, forget the bars all the men ever do is stand on the edge of what  I refer to as gawkers row and watch the women dance.  Since I don’t fall in the percentage of women called “cougars on the prowl”, you know the kind the ones picking up the young men or any man for that matter at the end of the evening for sex, I have to look elsewhere for a life partner.  And forget the married friends there are no singles in those groups.  So after much anguish I create my profile, it’s a little long which I have since shorten, but then when I start to write the thoughts come flowing out of me.

I receive lots of responses from new men I haven’t had the opportunity to chat with before and a few who I have chatted with.  It never ceases to amaze me how some men can contact you, chat with you and then forget that they’ve chatted with you before and try to start up a conversation again, my pictures don’t look that different and all current but each of them seem to like what I wrote in my profile calling it different and refreshing, I just call it being honest.   I actually call one out on the fact we've chatted another profile ago and he tells me he remembers but there must be something intriguing about me to want to message me again.  I tell him I"m not ready for farm life, and I'm sure he will meet someone who is.  He thanks me and tells me he has the utmost respect for my explanation but would like to remain friends, he would always have a pair of rubber boots for me at Green Acres, I tell him I would rather have something between Green Acres and New York, but we could remain friends. 

At one point I hide my profile because I can’t keep up with the men who start to message me.  To me I only want to chat with one person at a time.  My motto is life is moving on, I’m in the summer of my years, I don’t want to spend endless hours messaging back and forth with someone who is to afraid to come out and meet me.

Then there are the ones who start talking about sex right off the hop, while the cougar is a very passionate woman, she doesn’t jump into bed with any Tom, Dick or Harry.  The cougar has class, she will not be classified as one of those serial daters who have to date and bed everyone on the dating site, talk about share and share alike, no thank you.

One thing this cougar needs is chemistry on first meet, and alas for this feline it is too far and in between where I meet someone who ignites my flame. You may ask me to define chemistry; a strong attraction that includes love, lust, infatuation, and a desire to be involved intimately with someone. Chemistry is emotional desire for relationship. It is outside of the realm of reason it “chooses” us.  Regardless your definition, chemistry is unconscious; we don’t “choose” who we’re attracted to. 

Sometimes when you chat with someone on the phone the conversation flows so easy, but when you do meet, there is not one twinge to make one want to see that person again.   Lately I’ve had a few first meets, but nothing that I want to continue with, perhaps the loss is still too fresh, I seem to be measuring these guys and they are falling short.

I had a guy contact me, and older gent, older than I thought I would accept but I don’t discard someone because of age, unless I could have birthed them or them me.  We chatted, I told him I wasn’t into endless messaging and he sent me his phone number, which at the time I was busy but did phone later.  He told me he read my profile, stated he liked it, we chatted on the phone for awhile, he was actually starting to sound like what you would call a pompous ass.  True to my thoughts about him he states, we really don’t have a lot in common, he doesn’t like to fish, camp or not much of anything except pump his aging body up at the gym, I'm thinking sounds boring but I don't say it out loud.  He says he doesn’t like to dance, he can’t understand how come so many women on the site like to dance.  Well now he has my back up and defending my love of dance, I tell him, I go out dancing with my girlfriends for exercise, it’s my time with my girls just like I would expect any man of mine to have time with his guy friends.  I tell him that I agreed that we don’t have any interests in common.  Then I tell him why did you even contact me if you read my profile?  All my interests are in my profile, which leads me to believe he must have just been looking at my picture and fantasizing .

Recently I was almost tempted, the cougar has been wearing down sexual lately from lack of, I was told I needed to be made love to every night and that special man was right.  This guy I was chatting with was someone who worked where I use to work but our paths had never crossed, we had something’s in common.  The problem here was he wanted me to come over to his place for first meet,  that made me wonder if I have a big D for Dumb written on my forehead?  I may be half blonde but never dumb.  He wanted me to come over today Boxing Day to share a glass of wine (never making that mistake again, booze is off my list), and he would give me a birthday and Christmas present all in one, him.  I promptly hid my profile, and sent him a polite message back, that I had hidden my profile; I wasn’t ready to move on, I would not be coming over to his place on Boxing Day and wished him good luck in finding someone right for him.  In his case probably true because there are many women who are only on these sites for sex, no wonder it's filled with non committal men.

So now I’m a little ticked off at the dating scene and think I need to work on fixing things that are wrong with me to hopefully bring that special one that someone new and on developing my adventures for 2012, thus this blog.  It won’t be a daily blog, but only when I feel the urge to let loose with a little writing, I hope it keeps you entertained.  

 Upcoming blogs New Years Eve at Jaguars, Club Regent stay tuned......